A girl call Indian

I just had the most strangest dream ever. A dream which seems so real, i'm almost certain i never had before.
I met this girl while running back to the beach, there was some sort of a big wave coming and everyone was running back from the sea. That's how we met, she was running beside me or had someone pulling her while she stood in a box (yah this part is rather weird).

When we reached the shore, our eyes met, we smiled and for some reason we began talking. And almost immediately I felt some kind of chemistry. We walked back to the locker place to get our bags, hers was about 2-3 lockers away from mine but shockingly we found most of our items and bags gone. The locker thief left my white long sleeve shirt and a few items in the locker but my bag, my wallet are gone. Speaking to the security guard at the counter, which ironically was just beside the locker stretch, we were informed that they know who the thief is. It happens all the time and the same person will come stealing everybody's stuff from the locker but the security guard told us not to worry and they can almost gurantee our stuff back. The next moment, when we looked back our bags have magically appear in the locker, beside the lockers stood another security guy who was talking about chasing the thief and bringing all the stuff back and putting it back into our lockers. Surprised, yet relief we checked our belongings to make sure there is no missing piece. While i began to pack my things, i realize i have alot of mochi in my bags...boxes and boxex of them. I couldn't recall how i got them, i must have bought them during my office charity sale event earlier that day i thought. Mochi of different colors, green, red, white etc. Though i kinda like mochi but this is rather extreme. I offered her some but she declined saying she dont fancy them somewhat. I felt a small jab, a first incompatibility. But nevertheless not a big issue.

I dont remember what happen after, the next thing i recall is we are at some office place...her work. Coincidentally my office is nearby (and this is not where i am working now!), i have no idea where is that place but i am 'suppose' to work there. I went over to her place and she said we should try meet again (ok, so this is still the first time we met...but it doesnt seem to connect to the earlier part...but hey...u can't try to logic a dream). We wanted to exchange our name cards but as i was digging my bag, she walked back to her office...it was an open space one at the ground floor and you can see it from the opposite. When i walked over she was just done talking to her colleague and I told her i had to go, its getting late. So she gave me her namecard and ask me to call her sometime. Before i had the chance to look at the namecard, i saw her cubicle label, "Indian". When i looked up at her, she said her name is Indian. And no, she is not indian but her ex was. And she laughed saying it was a joke. I find it rather refreshing. How often do you hear a name like that. She asked me how i'd like to be called. I told her to call me Jo. Short for Joseph. Her male colleague walked over when he heard my introduction and began talking to us. After a short conversation, he seem to mumble something dry and walked over into the main road direction. As if possessed. I flashed her a weird look and she told me not to worry, it happens to the guy all the time. She told me next, she would drive home shortly. I looked at her again, she is fair, rather short hair and have a faint make up on her. A rather greenish eye liner. I told her I'd take a cab. As i walk to the main road trying to grab a cab, it felt like 2am at that time but surprisingly there are still quite a number of vehicles on the street. She walked on with me. Asking if it is ok or possible that i could get a cab. I told her at that hour, it shouldn't be too difficult. I should be able to get one when we reach the main road. I do that all the time. When i said that it all just seems so natural, like as if i really did it all the time despite the fact that i never even been there before... but of course, i didnt come to the conclusion until i wake up. When we reach the intersection, I woke up. For no reason, i just woke up and almost immediately, i realize everything was just a dream. This girl never existed in my life. It was all just a dream. Disappointment. I sighed and looked at the clock beside me, its almost 1040am. I have had a late nite, going to bed at 5. I counted, I have only slept for 5 hours. Silently cursing thinking why i would wake up only after 5 hours of sleep and i'm gonna feel like crap the whole day. Now, as i'm typing these lines for so long...i realized, we have 12 hours. But as i count again, what does that even mean. I still have slept for only 5 hours. Damnn...i must have not been fully awake yet. I am just trying to write all these things down while i still remember. Perhaps someday i might actually met someone call Indian and that she is someone exactly like how i dreamt her to be. I can only wish. I'd best try to get a few more wink, perhaps the dream will continue...

An untold story

Past two weeks, i finally had some time to fulfill a promised made to myself a while back. This round i did not go anywhere. Waking up every morning at 630am, went for a brisk walk with both my parents. Came back an hour later and we had breakfast together. We would talk about all the stuff in life...about our views on things happening around us; watching tv together. When i got tired, i would sneak up to my room and take a short nap. Waking up to lunch or sometimes tea. Life for the past two weeks have been a life which i have not lived for a long while. It felt really good.

Grandma came to stay with us for a few days, in those few days...i spent alot of time with her. She would sometimes fall asleep in the chair while watching tv in our living room. The weather was cooling for those few days she was with us. Before i went home this round, i bought some paper facial masks from Face Shop, wanting to try them on my grandma...my colleagues laughed and teased saying i'm using her as my 'lab rat', i was just thinking it would be cool to let her try it for once. On a quiet afternoon when everyone else was out, my grandma sat in the living room watching her afternoon drama, i managed to persuade her to try on one. She has never done this in her entire life, and was reluctant intially, but gave in to my persuasion eventually. 20mins later, she looked into her mirror...gently patted her face few times, she asked me how much was the mask :) it seems better than her face cream she said. She wanted me to get her a few more packs when i get back next. I can't help but laugh. I took a picture of her sitting at the chair with the mask on. Showing it quietly behind her back to the rest of my aunts/uncles/parents, they were surprised i managed to convinced her into putting that on.

Aunt came over and fetched us out for breakfast almost every morning. Everyday we will try different places and sometimes we would go for a walk at a nearby mall only coming back in the noon, I've never felt so at home for such a long time.
One morning when we were having breakfast together...grandma suddenly mentioned about her past...she said her sister once asked her when they first came to the city, if they were 'sua-ku' and couldn't catch up with the town-culture; married to my grand uncle and my grandfather; they were from a poor fishing village about an hour drive from the town my grandfather lives, and so happens that my grandfather and my grand uncle were cousins. So both the sisters married into the same family. Life was tough for her back then, having born into a family of 6, being the third daughter she never had a chance to study. She never met my grandfather before the wedding, just like most couples were back then. My grandfather was considered quite well to do back then, having his own sundries shop...business was pretty good. And when my grandma married into the family, she of course would have to help out around the shop...as well as taking care of my great grandmother. My grandma said life begins very early but she was used to the hours having grown up in a fishing village where most people will have to be at sea way before dawn. Back home, she would carry a bucket and a small shovel...and she would follow people to the beach and start digging for shellfish or clams. When she got married and moved to the town, life is alot different. Even the clothes the town people wear are so much different compared to hers. Having no close relatives nearby(my grand aunt stays some distance away), all she has was an unfamiliar guy she has to call husband. These stories she has told me plenty of times, but one thing she never mentioned until that morning...whenever my grandfather wasn't in a good mood or feeling agitated...he would tell my grandma '620 ringgit, we bought you back to do work!'. When she told me this that morning, i can see tears welling up in her eyes. I can almost felt her ache. I never would have thought my grandfather would say such thing...but i guess i will never understand how life and how people view lives back then. Even so, they have been married for 50 over years. When my grandfather died 7 years ago, she still pretended to be strong and tried so hard not to cry in front of us. Whether there have been any love or not, when you've spent so much of your lifetime together, no matter how much the pain has wrought your heart, how little the joy it has been...it will always be a memory that will never been taken away till you hit the grave.

Two weeks went by in a glimpse, I'm already back to my own life. But i will return again, very soon...i want to hear all of the other untold stories.

The things that may come

With all the ruskus at work today on the iphone4 launching, i barely have enough time to gather myself for the bigger things to come. After all i did spent an entire hour refreshing the page on singtel trying to get my booking in place for tomorrow...guilty; i know...one of these days i'm gonna have to pay back the price in a much bigger way...i can almost smell it from the air right now.

Today, I got assigned to help out on a much bigger project, one that has grown out of proportion that my colleague alone couldn't handle. I suppose it's time for me to pickup my pace now. Though honeymoon has been over many months ago, somehow...i have not been fully stirred from my slumber yet. I am just hoping for a much calmer weather after the wake up call...for tomorrow; things may start to get a little bumpy.

The feeling of nakedness

Sometimes, i say things...and sometimes, for very rare occasions...i say even more things that i end up regretting or thinking i've said alot more than i should (what am i talking about?). Perhaps everyone in this world should learn how to conceal at least some fraction of their feelings instead of having to stand naked in front of people, parading away your ugly assets. Or perhaps everyone else already did, just...i have yet to learn. I have just imparted a small piece of my true self to a friend; a friend which i do not even know if would appreciate it or take it as some hot air venting out of an old air condition shaft-not a decent feeling.

Not so long ago, i told someone about expectations. Expectation is something that can kill you. Today, it didn't almost kill me...but at least, it has cut a wound inside me. All this while, i have been telling people about my upcoming volunteer work and people have been very encouraging...supportive and willing to go all out to support the event. Deep down inside, i know some are just doing so out of courtesy...and even deeper down inside...i know some are genuine. But just when you thought the genuine ones are the true friends closer to your heart, you may be surprised to find that...they might be the courteous ones after all. Thats when it hits you, are your true/close friends really so? Or are you just living in your own world that you regard them as they are but in fact, to them...you are just another normal friend? This part; where expectation meets reality; when it collides...someone is bound to get hurt...and usually, it will be the one who's holding the expectation card. Why do i always get caught holding such cards? Maybe it's time i quit playing, i've lost quite a few good hands already.

Abusing decency

Sometimes i wonder if it's me or it's just the people i know. If 'mean' is a word you use to describe someone who speaks what they think, what do you call those that have the same thought but just couldn't bring themselves to be true to the people? And instead of facing it they'll try all their might to avoid another confrontation. While I was being easily labelled/and called by those very same people as a 'meanie', the rest of them would still be living in a joyful make-believe world where the people they are uncomfortable with still doesn't know they have been branded. Have our decency knows no border? Do we just blindly give it out at all times and for all occasions? How far can we go breaking ourselves in order to just be 'nice'?

From a budget terminal

Another airport, another feeling. Strangely everytime I manage to have some extra time at the airport I'd think abt those days when I use to travel. The airports that I've seen. The streets and busses heading to the terminal. It puts me at ease. It's a comforting feeling. Not the kind that overwhelms u entirely but a light emotion, just sufficient for you to feel the hint of nostalgia. A feeling which I'd enjoy more with a cup of latte. Maybe not today. I still have half a coke to go and the bones from my mcwings meal. It's only 8pm. Boarding is still 20mins away.

Somewhere in between

It's Wednesday. Mid of the week always seem the longest. The dreadful feeling of having to endure another 3 days till the weekend, the joy of already completed half of the weekdays; its a mixed bag of feeling. Confused yet happy. Uncertain yet full of anticipation. 

I woke up this morning feeling a lil lethargic. I have not get my well deserved rest lately. I wouldn't say its work again. The fact that i have so easily blamed everything on my past job makes me wanna do it again. But even this time i couldnt bring myself to such a lie. I have gotten active on WoW again, and with life kicking in at its never-seen-before force; Wing Chun on Mondays, French on Tuesdays, Gym on Wednesdays and Fridays; i barely have enough time for anything else. And if i pack my weekends with outings, movies and casual dinings; I can be pretty sure the following week, i would have accumulated another bag of puff under my eyes and a set of heavier bones to be dragged across the next week. The tardiness would be doubled by then. I need to work out a balance.

Sel has been gone for more than 2months now, talking to her recently, listening to her new developments and recent changes in life. At times, i admire her courage, her spirit and her determination. Having the guts to throw everything that you ever owned and cared, flew across the pacific; braving the foreign weather looking for a new shelter. One which even for my standard, find hard to achieve. I dont think i would ever whip out such courage. Although the idea would seem tempting at times but certain things would always be just a good-to-have thought. One which perhaps one day when you wake up from your bed and you have a feeling so strong, it suddenly becomes something achievable. But until that day, I'll lock that thought at the back of my head.

A caged bird

I cant say i've seen alot of bad (or good) romances in life, but i guess having enough people around you...sharing their stories about life and all; opens up alot of possibilities to the theme.

NGF has joined our inner circle only recently. At first, i have to admit i was feeling rather reserved towards him. He's making his advancement in the ranks within circle way too fast. And when someone is always too eager to please, i have to cast my biggest doubts on them. Anyway, that should be an entirely different chapter for some unprecedented time.

For once, i felt sorry for him last night. It's our first French class, he looked completely washed-out after. Apparently, he had just shifted to his new flat in the morning, rushed to work...and had to endure the 3hours classroom after. By the time we finished class it was already 930pm, he was fumbling to call 'home' and i overheard him reporting his whereabouts to his fiancé (wooo hooo another french word) and that he is making his way back. I still feel sorry for him, i honestly do. M referred to him as a caged bird. I added; wet. Even if he's let out of the cage at times, i doubt he can fly at all. Such is life. Or in French, they say C'est La Vie.

Monopoly

I had my rain check birthday lunch with Kev yesterday, after a sumptuous jap at Esplanade we talked about how life used to be when we were young. I told him about the story of Land and the Farmer, and how i wondered humans are so ungrateful most of the time; and he relayed to me a very familiar story of our growing up time.

We weren't from a rich family but i'd say our parents earn enough to bring us up without us having to go through much of painful child labour. When we were young, my mother did not have the luxury to buy us toys whenever we asked for...i think from the very beginning, we know our limits and we hardly even ask for anything. You get toys when adults get you, you dont ask for it. Simple as that.

There's this particular box of Monopoly, my mother kept it on the top shelf of her wardrobe. She would occasionally brought it out for us to play when we did something good or on special occasions. Yeah, it was just a box of Monopoly. It wasnt those in cheap A6 size box where the board was made of paper and you can fold it 4-6times. This box of monopoly would have cost quite a sum back then. Nice cardboard with everything neatly printed. We would always treasure the time when we get to lay our hands on the dice and touch the soft-printed paper money. If the box were given to us right from the beginning, we probably wouldnt treasure it as much anymore...and it would probably get really dirty and most likely we would have gone bored of it after a week or two.

Such is the way of life...when you get to have something so easily; without much effort or sacrifice...we would grow tired of it very quickly too...so play hard to get when you can, for life is just another game of Monopoly.

The Farmer and the Land

A friend of mine recently relate to me a particularly intruguing
story. Of a Farmer and a Land.

Once upon a time, there is a piece of Land. Perhaps during its glorier
days have been pretty captivating.
But as time moves on, the Land began to dry...and the number of
farmers interested in this piece of land has decreased dramatically.
There is one particular Farmer though, for few years have not given up
on this piece of land. This Farmer nurtured the land whenever a chance
is given.
The Land knew the Farmer was interested and keen to acquire it to
start a garden or perhaps grow it into a potato farm, with lotsa small
potatoes.
But the Land being the choosy one chose to keep that Farmer at bay and
rather let no one tend to it instead. Years gone by, not a single new
and potential farmer show up...and the Land grew wearier as it began
to dry up. The price of the Land has dropped significantly. Bidders
were few or none. Except for the particular Farmer who still bid the
Land at its once peak price. In the end, the Land finally accepted
that bid. I would believe the Farmer would have been the most happiest
person. Finally the bid has won the Farmer its prized Land. But will
the prized Land be worth the same land it used to be back then? And
will the Land still be satisfied with the bid price...and produce the
Farmer with equal quality of flowers and potatoes? Will the Farmer be
forever happy although knowing that it is not the Land's first choice
but rather no-choice?
Life is mostly about demand and supply, but in this case...life is
just fascinating! Stay tuned for the next boring episode of the Farmer
and its mundane piece of Land.

Get set, ready...FLY!

This is my 2nd week into my 5th or 6th job. I couldnt properly keep track now. Like all the past jobs I've held, the first 6 months to a year...it is all good and jolly...well, most of the jobs at least. This one is no difference and i'm keeping the ball rolling on my own with a few gentle push and tugs.

I've been to the Gym twice now with M, my new staff pass allows me access to Intercontinental's Clark Hatch for free. The first thing among others which i'm glad about. I've made a pact with M, this will be our Thursday evenings from now on.

Next best thing should come in May; and it will most likely occupy my Wednesday nights...but the story will have to wait until then.

This evening, after work... myself and Terrence rushed over to Lavendar eagerly seeking our new thrill. After paying 160$, and 1.5hours later, we both agreed that we would be doing this again for many more times to come. Though we both left feeling alot worse...AND better than before. Worse for the fear of what tomorrow may bring to our fragile and weak body...better for the fact that we are now acolytes of Sifu Chua. We just acquired our Level 1 - 小念头. We can bring some pain to petty thieves now! My new Monday routine for many more months to come; or at least that's what i hope.

That leaves me with only Tuesday and Friday. If all goes according to plan, my Tuesdays will be filled up pretty soon. And I think I'm gonna leave my Fridays for some Happy Hour, just in case ;)

Pre-Vacation Syndromes

1. Emotions flying high, then it could dip all the way till it hits rock bottom. Or maybe just hovering before it hits the bottom. Some joker's getting on my nerve these days. Giggling all the time as if everything is a joke. Grrrrr.

2. Its all about looking good! I started my run today. Yeah. I really THINK it helps.

3. I've been trying to finish off my workload, trying to minimise the list of 'handover' items to send out.

4. To bring or not to bring? I have not come out with a list of what i would like to carry with me (less the essentials, of course). I suppose i'm just waiting till i get home and drag my backpack out of the closet shelf. Then perhaps i'll start thinking. That time to my departure...7hours, 8 the most. Inclusive of sleep time.

5. Ohhh and the list...the other list...my songs. There's only so much i can carry in my 8GB...another time-consuming errand. I'll probably pass on this one.

6. And they finally confirmed my itinerary today! I'm really hoping everything's gonna go according to plan. At least, pls dont let my hotel go wrong, or the flight got delayed...or anything along those lines.

Dinner time. I think my sweats beginning to dry up. Time to hit the shower and gobble down my Mee Goreng Kicap + Chicken Nuggets + Sausages. Yah i know. So much for the run. Thats life for you.


...the weather's not looking too good. I hope its not that accurate. :(

Onward...!

It's coming...and i'm getting excited with each passing day. Its been a while since my last actual break...i'm just hoping for good weather despite it being monsoon...hopefully the sea's not too rough and the sun would shine a lil for me on some days. I'd be the happiest person on earth...and i promise to be good the whole year. It's late again, i'm still not too convinced with my new toy...i've been on an ON/OFF dilemma, trying to convince myself that i did not make a bad decision the other day. Here's some of my judgement calls again...

The Triple As

Agony, Agitation, Anger.

I know this isnt something good to blog about. But i think i have been holding back alot of negativities lately. I'm not sure what has caused all these build ups, but i'm pretty sure this thing is gonna drag me to hell and deeper. I'm losing my sanity, or perhaps not that serious just yet...but i guess its close. The world i live in now is filled up with short bursts of excitements, in which i have been frantically trying to sustain. When all else fail, i would resort to barking. Horrible. I have been trying to surpress for a while now. But the more i do it, the more i feel the need to lash out at the people around me. I've become what i have hated most. Rude, ignorant and self-centered. I just hope i dont stay this way for the rest of my life. Or its gonna be a long and lonely journey ahead...

Quiet

After a long running Saturday, today i got struck by a sudden quietness. Like a stream of clouds that has suddenly moved in, above my head...lingering...

Spending a quiet noon in the office, trying to catch up with what i have lost during the week. A strange mixture of feelings. I hate work and yet i'm sort of...enjoying this tranquil moment. Someone has been kind enough to let the air conditioning run. Its getting rather chilly.

Apart from the occasional footsteps from Mrs Softy Rice, walking about...the whole office seems bare. I'm hoping I would be able to find some motivation to get this piece of work out of the way. But things have been crawling lately, it's hard to find the strength to pull things through. I need some steam. Something that could carry me or a certain rush that could push me forward. Perhaps things have been pretty stagnant lately. Morale is running on its low again.

Aunt and Girl came over yesterday, i was with them for the entire of yesterday. Brought them over to Scotts for a buffet lunch then we headed over to Science Centre for a tour and a movie. I haven't been spending much time with family for a while. Listening to Aunt as she recounts the events back home...there's so much I've missed not being around. Yet, my life is here now. Reality has no room for uncertainty. Until the day i can truly let go of everything, i shall be forever bound by the cruelty of modern day life.

Waking up on sunset

On this day, i've slept till close to 4 in the evening. Pretty much missed out the chance for a bright and beautiful Sunday. And not to mention its Mom's day. Shows how filial i've been so far. I should have called earlier. And when i did call just now, i couldnt bring her the news that i've went out drinking last nite and came home only at around 2am. I'm so gonna go down.

I woke up pretty early yesterday, it's been a while since i've planned any outings like this. It all started from a banner on i saw on the streets of Orchard.



From thereon, i was rather determined that i'll whip up something. Life's been picking up a lil lately...and i needed some extra boost. A dimsum breakfast, a visit to the museum and a karaoke session seem to be a good fit. That carried my Saturday into late evening, when another friend suggested for a korean bbq dinner. A fun-filled Saturday...with grilled meat on the table and korean wine to go with...there's no reason to believe why we aren't getting high on our heels. We were pretty much done early, it could have been only 9...the rest took their cabs home. While i still hover around, walking the streets with a half-drunk friend. I cant recall much of the details, we could have walked a few hundred meters, took a train or two...and we ended up with 2 movie tickets to StarTrek. Someone's still feeling high and joyful over the idea of being slightly numb in the brain and watching a movie at the same time. Well, gotta admit...i kinda liked the idea too. That was probably the reason why i slept till this time.

It's almst 5 in the evening. I've just had a few sips from my ribena pack...and 3 slices of my already expired-from-two-days-ago Gardenia. And i wonder if i should go out and get early dinner...I had turn down two calls for dinner to make room for RAID. Hopefully i'll get some good loots tonite...wooootsie!

Letting go...

I've heard the saying before...though i've never given in much serious thought. "By truely letting go, you shall find happiness." Often, we find and create our own misery. We dig our own bottomless pit and we throw ourselves into it. Then we helplessly wail for help, frantically yelling and reaching out for the invisible hands...hoping someone would come rescue us. There won't be any; even if there are...these hands would not be able to drag us out of the pit. The strength of a thousand won't do. We are authors of our own demise.

To think further back, not so long ago i was feeling frustrated over work. Too much to do at work, too little personal time. I kept complaining...and i wasn't happy. Then one day i told my boss frankly, I'm not willing anymore. She asked me why. And she gave me a typical piece of asian mentality "Why?, you are at your prime. Early 30s. No family. It's the best time to strive for your career". And i went "Wow.", in my mind. I bet most people would think that too. But I dont buy that piece. Career or not. Your life is your define. Though this may be applied on everyone, it does not have to be mine. I'm not trying to go against the world...but i'm just trying to live a life, where i define my own 'happiness'...not what others tell me happiness should be. I'm not gonna fool myself to think that i'll be happy too if i follow what everybody else is doing. Anyway, from then on...i got lesser to do. I just need to spend my committed time in office and be worry free after(Ok, not entirely...but at least, its alot better than before). I might have condemned myself and my future here, but if this is what an organization sees in its employee, this won't be the future that i would like to have either. An organization that 'feeds' on the extra hours of its employee to acknowledge them on their work is not an ideal place that i would spend the rest of my working life at. They like to use the word PASSION, i say its ABUSE.

A friend was asking me yesterday, why do i feel all good of a sudden. He too was having some issues and he wants to know how to get out of it. I couldn't give him an answer then. I guess it all just happend. Like a clear mind after a long flu. Infections are gone...and so has the cloud in the coffee.

D.

I have not seen D for a while now. At times i kinda miss D.

The laughs, the joy and everything that we shared in common...but we both have our own agendas now. D is no longer around anymore. Or at least, not as much as I would like to have it. Whenever i think about it, i miss it some. A slight prick...like an occasional jolt in the heart. Nothing unbearable...just an annoyance that distracts you when you least expect it.

The feeling may come again...but i know...things may not feel the same anymore. Perhaps it is time to lay down. Like everything that we carry in life...along the way, there ought to be a time...a time when we have to learn to let go. I dont think i'll be able to drop it in a snap...i can never do such a thing; but i'm gonna try releasing my grasp slowly. Till the day i can truly be free from these feelings, I'll post to remind myself of the journey. Maybe by then I will find it difficult...trying to feel what i'm feeling right now.

Hey Mood

I'm feeling good today. I dont know how long it has been. All i can remember that it has been a long long time. You dont visit often these days. At least with your good self. But today, it is something that i would finally enjoy. Reading a good book. Listening to a favourite tune. Or even writing a piece of something that i'd actually post. It's like enjoying a great outdoor shower in a warm summer's day, with cold water pouring down my head, eyes close...while i savour every single moment. The clear blue sky, the bright sun, not a single soul in a thousand miles. Only me and you alone. I hope you'll stay for a while more this time.

Dear Lie

Sometimes i wonder, what does it takes to build a relationship? Be it friends, your spouse, your parents, your children or even your co-worker? Of all things that matter, i believe most explanations would fall under the word - TRUST. But how truthful can we be?

Most of the time, we plunged into our own deceptions, into lies, into doubts... Relationship is a complication. A mind game that we play among ourselves. For instance, if a friend would lie to you on the smallest matter, perhaps when u found out...and even though to you, it may seem like something small...you would ask yourself...why would someone lie over such trivial matter? It may not have mattered to you, but perhaps to them...it does; why would they even bother if it does not? Questions...and more questions...perhaps its just human....to lie is to make life happier. A shroud of grey may sometimes be...intriguing.

If it took my 30 years to understand this simple life philosophy, i suppose i better make a huge mental note and stick it permanently within my conscious mind. Often times, to think back...on a self-reflective note...i do that too...i'm gonna give up playing saint here, but mostly we do care about how people look at us and feel about us.

I can keep spinning forever on this...but as of now, i think i'm just gonna conclude...people lie for very good reasons, and often times...it might be for an even greater cause. As long as it does not cause us any harm in any way, ignorance can be ...bliss.