Waking up on sunset

On this day, i've slept till close to 4 in the evening. Pretty much missed out the chance for a bright and beautiful Sunday. And not to mention its Mom's day. Shows how filial i've been so far. I should have called earlier. And when i did call just now, i couldnt bring her the news that i've went out drinking last nite and came home only at around 2am. I'm so gonna go down.

I woke up pretty early yesterday, it's been a while since i've planned any outings like this. It all started from a banner on i saw on the streets of Orchard.



From thereon, i was rather determined that i'll whip up something. Life's been picking up a lil lately...and i needed some extra boost. A dimsum breakfast, a visit to the museum and a karaoke session seem to be a good fit. That carried my Saturday into late evening, when another friend suggested for a korean bbq dinner. A fun-filled Saturday...with grilled meat on the table and korean wine to go with...there's no reason to believe why we aren't getting high on our heels. We were pretty much done early, it could have been only 9...the rest took their cabs home. While i still hover around, walking the streets with a half-drunk friend. I cant recall much of the details, we could have walked a few hundred meters, took a train or two...and we ended up with 2 movie tickets to StarTrek. Someone's still feeling high and joyful over the idea of being slightly numb in the brain and watching a movie at the same time. Well, gotta admit...i kinda liked the idea too. That was probably the reason why i slept till this time.

It's almst 5 in the evening. I've just had a few sips from my ribena pack...and 3 slices of my already expired-from-two-days-ago Gardenia. And i wonder if i should go out and get early dinner...I had turn down two calls for dinner to make room for RAID. Hopefully i'll get some good loots tonite...wooootsie!

Letting go...

I've heard the saying before...though i've never given in much serious thought. "By truely letting go, you shall find happiness." Often, we find and create our own misery. We dig our own bottomless pit and we throw ourselves into it. Then we helplessly wail for help, frantically yelling and reaching out for the invisible hands...hoping someone would come rescue us. There won't be any; even if there are...these hands would not be able to drag us out of the pit. The strength of a thousand won't do. We are authors of our own demise.

To think further back, not so long ago i was feeling frustrated over work. Too much to do at work, too little personal time. I kept complaining...and i wasn't happy. Then one day i told my boss frankly, I'm not willing anymore. She asked me why. And she gave me a typical piece of asian mentality "Why?, you are at your prime. Early 30s. No family. It's the best time to strive for your career". And i went "Wow.", in my mind. I bet most people would think that too. But I dont buy that piece. Career or not. Your life is your define. Though this may be applied on everyone, it does not have to be mine. I'm not trying to go against the world...but i'm just trying to live a life, where i define my own 'happiness'...not what others tell me happiness should be. I'm not gonna fool myself to think that i'll be happy too if i follow what everybody else is doing. Anyway, from then on...i got lesser to do. I just need to spend my committed time in office and be worry free after(Ok, not entirely...but at least, its alot better than before). I might have condemned myself and my future here, but if this is what an organization sees in its employee, this won't be the future that i would like to have either. An organization that 'feeds' on the extra hours of its employee to acknowledge them on their work is not an ideal place that i would spend the rest of my working life at. They like to use the word PASSION, i say its ABUSE.

A friend was asking me yesterday, why do i feel all good of a sudden. He too was having some issues and he wants to know how to get out of it. I couldn't give him an answer then. I guess it all just happend. Like a clear mind after a long flu. Infections are gone...and so has the cloud in the coffee.

D.

I have not seen D for a while now. At times i kinda miss D.

The laughs, the joy and everything that we shared in common...but we both have our own agendas now. D is no longer around anymore. Or at least, not as much as I would like to have it. Whenever i think about it, i miss it some. A slight prick...like an occasional jolt in the heart. Nothing unbearable...just an annoyance that distracts you when you least expect it.

The feeling may come again...but i know...things may not feel the same anymore. Perhaps it is time to lay down. Like everything that we carry in life...along the way, there ought to be a time...a time when we have to learn to let go. I dont think i'll be able to drop it in a snap...i can never do such a thing; but i'm gonna try releasing my grasp slowly. Till the day i can truly be free from these feelings, I'll post to remind myself of the journey. Maybe by then I will find it difficult...trying to feel what i'm feeling right now.

Hey Mood

I'm feeling good today. I dont know how long it has been. All i can remember that it has been a long long time. You dont visit often these days. At least with your good self. But today, it is something that i would finally enjoy. Reading a good book. Listening to a favourite tune. Or even writing a piece of something that i'd actually post. It's like enjoying a great outdoor shower in a warm summer's day, with cold water pouring down my head, eyes close...while i savour every single moment. The clear blue sky, the bright sun, not a single soul in a thousand miles. Only me and you alone. I hope you'll stay for a while more this time.

Dear Lie

Sometimes i wonder, what does it takes to build a relationship? Be it friends, your spouse, your parents, your children or even your co-worker? Of all things that matter, i believe most explanations would fall under the word - TRUST. But how truthful can we be?

Most of the time, we plunged into our own deceptions, into lies, into doubts... Relationship is a complication. A mind game that we play among ourselves. For instance, if a friend would lie to you on the smallest matter, perhaps when u found out...and even though to you, it may seem like something small...you would ask yourself...why would someone lie over such trivial matter? It may not have mattered to you, but perhaps to them...it does; why would they even bother if it does not? Questions...and more questions...perhaps its just human....to lie is to make life happier. A shroud of grey may sometimes be...intriguing.

If it took my 30 years to understand this simple life philosophy, i suppose i better make a huge mental note and stick it permanently within my conscious mind. Often times, to think back...on a self-reflective note...i do that too...i'm gonna give up playing saint here, but mostly we do care about how people look at us and feel about us.

I can keep spinning forever on this...but as of now, i think i'm just gonna conclude...people lie for very good reasons, and often times...it might be for an even greater cause. As long as it does not cause us any harm in any way, ignorance can be ...bliss.