Dear Lie

Sometimes i wonder, what does it takes to build a relationship? Be it friends, your spouse, your parents, your children or even your co-worker? Of all things that matter, i believe most explanations would fall under the word - TRUST. But how truthful can we be?

Most of the time, we plunged into our own deceptions, into lies, into doubts... Relationship is a complication. A mind game that we play among ourselves. For instance, if a friend would lie to you on the smallest matter, perhaps when u found out...and even though to you, it may seem like something small...you would ask yourself...why would someone lie over such trivial matter? It may not have mattered to you, but perhaps to them...it does; why would they even bother if it does not? Questions...and more questions...perhaps its just human....to lie is to make life happier. A shroud of grey may sometimes be...intriguing.

If it took my 30 years to understand this simple life philosophy, i suppose i better make a huge mental note and stick it permanently within my conscious mind. Often times, to think back...on a self-reflective note...i do that too...i'm gonna give up playing saint here, but mostly we do care about how people look at us and feel about us.

I can keep spinning forever on this...but as of now, i think i'm just gonna conclude...people lie for very good reasons, and often times...it might be for an even greater cause. As long as it does not cause us any harm in any way, ignorance can be ...bliss.

On this day

...my first step into the thirties begins. I guess the first obvious thing about growing older is the change in oneself. Something apparent. MORE Signs of greying hair, veiny hands and fingers, dehydration: lips/skin...felt like i'm wearing a permanent suit made from old tree bark and perhaps also occasional volcanic emotional bursts. Hmmm...sounded like it's some crazy nightmare comes true. Anyhow...moving on...

tis the day to be jolly. At least, on the bright side...i'm not at work and the weather's good for a start. There's finally some moving air. A small gust of wind was just blowing into my room earlier on when i throw open the window for some sunlight.

I didnt get to bed till 4 this morning. Part of me just dont feel like sleeping the night away. I got up at 10. Thanks to my mom calling. And i have been surfing, downloading podcasts and watching videos since. Its close to 1pm now, and i'm due to meet up with a friend for lunch. Celebrating both our big day on the same day. Gonna head out to Orchard for lunch...and to spend some cash.

Along the crooked line

Haven't been writing much of late, at times when i did...the posts never get posted. Most of them are still sitting in my draft and some i might have discarded them without a second thought. Too much have been going on lately. My mind wasn't as focused anymore. Not that it was much before, but i'm just trying to say that...things have gotten a lil bit unbalanced. Too much work, too much game...to little time left to think...to visualize. Haha...i guess that makes writing even harder.

Anyway, after my Friday break and the undisturbed weekend. I'm feeling alot better. A walk outside and dinner with some friends helped. And picking something nice to read helps too. Was browsing at the bookstore today in the terminal and picked up something nice. Something...different than my usual read. All this while, whenever i lose my cool on things, reading sorta help calm things down a lil. They say Tuesdays with Morris is an inspiration. I have not started flipping yet. It got my friend who doesnt read much hooked for an hour or more, i guess whatever they say might be true after all.

The one that got fried

I'll be out of wow and pretty much everything for the next week or so. Laptop's at service center. Same issue with my old one - mainboard's fried. Only this time, I'm slightly on the better side of luck, it's still under warranty. My last one had to sit in the corner of my room for the past 2 years till i sold it off to a junk shop for a mere 200RM recently. It's either laptops these days dont last that long, or it's probably just me and my heavy usage. Gonna dump 99$ into my 3rd year warranty after this. My best buddy for the coming weekend would be my long-abandoned psp, which i've recently spent 20$ getting it 'fixed' to allow unlimited 'gameplay'. Ohhh also my first 3 episodes of Friends on my iPhone. Gotta have to 'manage' them wisely. :)

It's all in the books

As the world spirals into a chaotic twist of financial turmoil...the people fumbles upon their feet as they scratch on the floor, digging through dirt for a hope to strike gold. In any given institution, this is the time when you need to justify your very own existence. Resources have been thin, budgets were slashed. People in need to find reasons to keep them at their desks. At this time, courtesy will not put food on your table.

Lately, a pattern is beginning to emerge...it's either you don't do or you do it with a price. I observed a few, in their desperate move to secure a deal...even for a simple request which would take half day at most; they would lashed out to their requester with a knife and ask them to pay for that small effort.
Though some of them may not deserve the sympathy, there are truly some that are helpless beyond measure. Their departments have been sucked dry, they are out funds and they are now begging at your doorsteps, hoping that you would do them a small favor. Yet, the plea goes unanswered.

As i sink myself into the situation, I'm preparing for the many more wonderful episodes to come...this is gonna be a long season.

Lonely On Valentine's Eve

I've been trying to lay low for the occasion. Being 'single' on such a day isn't something that you would wanna blared about. The more subtle it is, the better. Anyhow, it is just a day. And it's even better if it's on the weekend, you can just pretend that you have never existed at all. Hide away from the world and you can live through another day without having to face the cruel fact that you are actually...less than a couple.

...or at least, that would be ideal thing to do. But life is not always ideal...

It is work again that pulled me out from my hiding. I'd rather be caught hanging out with my bachelor friends on this day, than to be seen walking around in office. Though those that get to see me in office probably aren't in any better situation either...still, it doesn't feel that right.

I never really talked much about work on here before...only until this particular one. My last few posts have been all about it.
Like the ad says Your Calling is Calling , i think i can hear mine already.
Happy Valentine's.

The Story of Ah BAN

Once there was a man named Ah Ban. He was a simple-minded, happy-go-lucky guy. Never having to worry about his life. His day job was simple. Starts at 9. Ends at 6 or 7 every evening. During the day, he just perform whatever that he was told. From 1 to 10, A to Z...all will be detailed down for him to the last tiny bit of instruction. With his single-minded nature, he would not be able to spot a missing step or if the instruction was indeed correct. He follows a simple life philosophy - if the instruction is wrong, so will be the outcome.

Days went by, and Ah Ban at times would grow frustrated over his small existance at his work place. He would throw some short tantrums and continues doing nothing. Or refuse to accept any work being assigned to him. But usually by the next day, he'll turn out to be ok again. And that went on for 3 long years. People around him have either gave up on him or just use him for running some simple errands that would require anybody with a good pair of arms and legs. He might be simple, but he ain't stupid. He knows...but he couldn't care less either.

Today, he finally digged up some courage. He told the world that he is going to leave. A new ship is willing to take him on board and he's determined to set off to a new land with a new start. Let's hope he would end up being a captain someday and not sweeping the deck again.